Ever since I was a young girl, I have been fascinated with fantasy fiction. I was introduced early to The Once and Future King and Tolkien and the idea of epic fantasy that centered around a hero/heroine that would defy all gravity and become suspended by bravery and courage, enraptured my heart. Book after book tried to fill a void that seemed so otherworldly and I filled pages of journals about how much I longed to become one of those brave fighters I read so much about. I felt so out of place in a century that has since lost its understanding of what it means to be chivalrous, brave, and selfless.
This Christmas I've done a lot of thinking about who I am and what kind of person I want people to remember me as, especially my students. The Holy Spirit spoke softly to my heart, share the Gospel with them Lauren... tell them why you celebrate Christmas... But I also thought, what would they think of me? What if they don't agree? What if they just look at me? What if I lose my job? What if? What if...
My heart sank. It turns out that I'm not brave at all, I'm a coward. Here was my battle. I'd been given an elaborate suit of armor, a shield, a sword, a helmet... I'd been given all the power of God to help me fight, I'd been presented with an opportunity to prove that I was worthy of the honor of any warrior yet I backed away in fear faster than any of the retreating enemies I read about in my books. I was craven (GRRM reference for all you GoT fans out there) and I didn't know how to be anything different.
Psalm 118:6 came to mind: "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" What a powerful verse. There is something so pleasing to my soul and peaceful about powerful words from the Lord. I had a professor in college that told me that scripture cannot mean what it was never intended to mean. So what was this intended to mean? Assuming David wrote Psalm 118, this would make perfect sense. So many times David encounters opposition from the throne of Israel and at times ends up running for his life. He stands as a young man against an unbelievably strong foe. He is spared death by the Hand of God and a really good friend helping him. King Saul wanted him dead so many times, but God had other plans. What can man do to the one whom God loves? Even when David was surrounding himself by deadly and unbelievable sin, God blessed David with a strong lineage that would one day contain the name of Jesus. This did not mean that David was good or special or that David could have done any of those things on his own. The stories we have of David are meant to show us how helpless we are as humans and how much we need the saving grace of Yahweh to give us life. The Lord was on David's side and no one could touch him. God chose David for his purpose, for his ultimate glory.
If we, as Christians, believe that God has chosen us specifically for his glory, What can man do to us? We need not fear. "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels or demons, nor things presents nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
So, though I have retreated from battle in shame, God has redeemed my name. He has given me a new name that is not shameful and I can call him Abba, Father. Now I can redress for the battlefield and take my place in the front ranks, unafraid of what others will do to me.
