Amazing Grace

Once, Brad and I heard a preacher give an entire sermon on the sinful nature of drinking and smoking weed. I'm dead serious. Brad and I were amazed. This guy talked for what seemed like forever on two subjects, one of which isn't even in the Bible! What if there was something in that congregation whose last day was that night and desperately needed to hear the Gospel? What if someone in the congregation had been committing terrible sins and thought they were beyond God’s saving grace needed to hear the story of Jesus’ precious sin-atoning blood being spilled for the world? What if? And this guy is screaming at a room full of people about how they should not drink alcohol or smoke pot because they are tools of the devil. It makes me so sad that this is happening not just in that church, but in thousands of churches, in every state.  The me-centered gospel, the works-based gospel, the anti-gospel. People are coming into a church building to hear the good news of Jesus Christ that was commissioned by Jesus himself and they are hearing things like “Don’t drink” or “Don’t cuss” or “Don’t have sex before marriage” or “Be good” or “Do this” “Do that” “Be be be” “Do do do” “You you you” “I I I” instead of “Jesus died on the cross so if you drink, whether it is right or wrong, it doesn’t matter. Your sins have been forgiven. You have been made holy.” or “Jesus still loves you even if you’ve slept with forty people. Remember the naked woman that the Sanhedrin dragged in front of Jesus? He forgave her sins and told her to go and sin no more! He freed her from a life of slavery to sin!” or “Glory to God!” or “Praise the Lord because He is good! You will never be good, but He is and He has made you righteous!” or “Stop trying to be perfect because Jesus has already made you perfect in Him!”

                When we realize that the Gospel does not proclaim what we should do and it does proclaim what he has done, we are free in Christ to choose to become obedient to God because we love Him. That is so much better than being told I have to do good to get good things from God. Or that the Gospel is all about me and who I am instead of who Jesus is and what he has done. So many struggling with countless sin are sitting in Church pews and seats listening to pastors preach a gospel that is not supported by Scripture and it is hurting them. Until the Church, as a whole, starts to preach the Gospel as it was intended, we will suffer consequences.

                I grew up in the Church which is to be expected since I lived in Mississippi my whole life. There are many faults about that but I do know one thing, I don’t remember a time when I did not know who Jesus was. I grew up being told about Jesus and I can say that my parents taught me family values and respectful behavior, although that did not keep them from being called on a regular basis while I was in grade school (sorry Mom). Like many southern Baptist churches, I was taught “the prayer” to become saved at a young age and I was baptized at an early age and the rest is history. From then on I lived my life as a normal Christian girl, going to school, not really talking about my faith much because, well, everyone else was a Christian too. It was Mississippi for crying out loud. Pretty much everyone I went to school with went to church with me as well so it wasn’t as if I could share my faith with them. The closest I got to talking about it was sharing someone’s transgressions in Sunday School without their permission. In middle school I re-dedicated my life to Christ like every other eighth grader when they played the emotional heart-wrenching music during the D-Now last session and then during my senior year I decided I did not want to go to church anymore (although I was still a Christian). This really hurt my parents and we had a lot of really awful fights. I was a terrible brat (there I said it) and looking back on it I think a lot of it was spiritual warfare. I was giving into sinful temptations and doing things and hanging out with people I should not have been doing and hanging out with and it was a very dark time in my life. It was also at a transitional period when we had gotten a new youth pastor at our church and I was still upset about that. Go figure, you know how teenagers are. Anyway, I did not want to go to church, and I used every “Jesus didn’t go to church!” story in the book to get out of it with my parents that I could find. I was a real genius.

                Fortunately, I went to college for a Biblical Studies degree(this was God's doing not mine) and eventually came to terms with the fact that I was going to flunk out of college if I didn't start reading my Bible. *GASP* A Christian not reading her Bible? Say it ain't so. Anyway, I began to read and read and read some more and there were times I would fly through chapters and verses and entire books because I was so hungry for what that book held. There were stories I'd never heard before! Stories that weren't told in Sunday School, people's sins that weren't discussed. My view of David, Paul, Moses, and countless others did a 360 because I realized how sinful they really were and just how gracious God was to each of them. My spirit was beyond malnourished, but Jesus was healing the most broken parts of who I was (and still is). 

Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35) We need only to turn to his Voice displayed in the words of Scripture to find our nutrition, but many times we seek that nutrition blindly from what others tell us. We must be diligent in carefully listening to what our pastors are telling us at the pulpit and comparing it to what the Bible tells us. Even those men we admire as authors, if they do not align with Scripture we should throw down their books and pick up the life giving Word of God. We should challenge and encourage our pastors with balances. Fact-check and read your own Bible to ensure what they are telling you aligns with the context. I would even encourage you to research historical context of that time period—this can do a world of good in your exegesis of the text. If we are taking in what nutrition we are getting from our pastors even if it is not good, we are becoming malnourished. We are starving and eventually we will become bombarded with events and moments in life that we cannot handle on our own. (Side note: you really cannot handle anything in life on your own) When you become malnourished, you become sickly and infection sets in, you need medication and possibly hospitalization. Eventually, death occurs. But Jesus has come to feed the sick and malnourished. His bread can heal the infected and raise dead. There is no need for hospitalization and medication. Once again, you are strong and healthy and you can live like you have never lived before. You can bring glory to your Creator EVEN IF you sin every day. You are forgiven and you have been given grace for those sins. Now, isn’t that the Gospel your soul has been longing to hear? 

What is (Christ) Love?

We women are emotional. And that’s putting it lightly. We are naturally in sync with our emotions and as a result, we can identify and understand the emotions of others around us. We live in an age that bombards us constantly with emotions from every angle—television, movies, magazines, books—you name it. Our senses are constantly stimulated by the emotions of not only ourselves, but those around us, and those we see represented in art. Unfortunately, this has desensitized us to real human emotion in a way. Let me explain: I don’t think my husband is romantic.

Now I know what you are thinking: no men are. And I’d hesitate for a moment to say that is superficially true. Most men are not hard-wired to the emotional part of life, and what little bit of them actually does feel emotion is suppressed by culture. Men don’t cry. Men don’t fear. Men don’t feel sorry for themselves (at least not in public). Why? Because our culture says that a man who does cannot be respected. And what do the men in our culture really want? Respect.

Back to my husband. I don’t think he is a romantic. He doesn’t get the moments in the movie when all the emotions of the storyline draw to final climax and every woman in the theater is sobbing. He doesn’t understand why the women in a TV drama do the “crazy” things they do—when we, as women, know it’s all because of the emotional trauma, strain, or damage that’s been done to her. He doesn’t get dramas, chick-flicks, or romance movies. (Honestly, chick-flicks are all the same so I can’t blame him there). He doesn’t get why women create Pinterest boards for their “dream wedding” or why those same women hope their significant other will somehow come across the page in secret and plan it all out to fruition.  He doesn’t get why flowers and hand-written notes are so thoughtful.

Unfortunately, I have held these things against him. But who am I to get upset or hurt over such trivial, superficial moments?  No, Brad isn’t a romantic, and sometimes I don’t understand that. But he has this gentleness about him that keeps him from raising his voice to me, even when I’ve had mine raised for a good fifteen minutes. That same gentleness speaks kind words to me and apologizes first (almost always) even when he’s not at fault. He’s not a romantic, but he is faithful to me and sleeps next to me in bed every single night.  That faithfulness even averts his eyes to look at me when a half-dressed or naked woman appears onscreen during a movie. He’s not a romantic, but his honesty holds me accountable and speaks words of truth and life into my spirit on a daily basis. He’s not a romantic, but his peace teaches me new things about listening, rather than talking, almost every day. He’s not a romantic, but the intelligence in his eyes and words always challenges me to know more. No, he’s not a romantic, but his love wraps around me with his arms when he hugs me. That love also supports any new endeavor I take on and comforts me when I fail.

So why do I complain when he doesn’t come home with flowers in hand when I’ve had a bad day? Or expect him to read my mind (or even subtle, cryptic messages) to know that I wanted this present for my birthday instead of that one. Perhaps my understanding of romance is skewed? 

Let’s review:

 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” –Col 3:19

Brad loves me unconditionally. We both share the idea that marriage is a covenant bond, binding us together: mind, body, and soul. We are one. Also, he is never harsh with me, even when I am in the wrong. His tone is always gentle; his hand has never been lifted against me.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life...” -1 Pet 3:7

Just as God made man, he also made woman. We were created to be bound together as something “good” in His sight! Brad’s understanding of theology is one of the most attractive qualities about him. He knows my soul is just as valuable to God as his.

He chose me.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”-Eph 5:25

Christ chose his people, his church. Likewise, Brad chose me, out of all women, to be his helpmate. Isn’t that the most romantic thing he could ever do? 

Women, are you holding your man up on a pedestal that he will never reach? Are you frowning, crying, or dissatisfied with your husband for falling short of your romantic vision? I know I have been. However, I am reminded by Scripture that my idea of romance should not be determined from film, art, or literature. The media should not dictate my emotional response, and I should not listen. Scripture alone can give us a guide to what true harmony with our spouse looks like. This doesn’t mean that you won’t have problems—as humans we err—but it does mean that we can choose to ignore the false teachings that the world has told us. We can choose to look at the qualities that exemplify Jesus’ teachings instead. We can choose not to despise. We can choose to love. 

Words are Wind

I have a student... Let's call her Sarah. Sarah is not the smartest student there ever was, but she's certainly capable to shine. One day I notice Sarah isn't completing her work like usual and in fact, she's got her head down on the desk. Now, I'm not heartless. I do take into consideration when students genuinely feel sick/whatever and occasionally allow them to do this. Contrary to popular belief I am capable of compassion... Maybe. But I digress. I asked Sarah if she felt bad and she said yes so I thought nothing of it and went on the lesson hoping that didn't cause too much of a disruption to the other students. The next class that Sarah attended, ten minutes in she has her head down. "Ok... Sarah? Everything alright?"
 "Just sleepy."
"Well "just sleepy," I can't allow naps in class because I teach English not napping (Unfortunately) so sit up." Sarah sits up but contributes almost nothing to the class and doesn't finish her work. This continues for about a month.
What's the deal? I think. Sarah was a good student for the most part. Sure she talked in class or got off topic but she's 13 for crying out loud. I was terrorizing my teachers like a professional when I was 13. (Actually I learned to forge my mom's signature In the 4th grade because of recurring notes home. Sorry mom it was the only way.) honestly, I was concerned for Sarah's grade.
The first week back from Christmas break, I call my students up to see what they made on their 9 weeks exam. Sarah's turn. Not the best... But not the worst either. She' makes a sound that passes for a laugh and sits down. Almost immediately after I start the lesson, she puts her head down.
"Sarah, honey... Put your head up." ("Oh no" I think "it is too early for this!!!!")
"Sarah ... Sarah. EARTH TO SARAH." *sarah sits up slowly*
"Sarah please keep your head up and be respectful to me or I'll be forced to write you up."
No response.
I cue the others to start working and call Sarah outside in the hallway.
"Sarah, what's going on? I can either talk to you about it or to your parents about it. But I'd rather it was you."
Sarah looks balefully at me and sighs. "I just give up too easy."
Uhhh (can of worms: opened) "Okay, what are you giving up on?"
"Every year I try to make honor roll and every year I don't get it."
*DING DING DING!*  I see what's going on as clearly as as I see her forlorn face. Those words were so filled with sadness I almost started crying. I take a deep breath. Moments like these, when a student actually opens up to you making them extremely vulnerable are rare and can be disastrous if handled wrong.
"Sarah, did you know that Thomas Edison tried to invent the lightbulb more than 100 times before he actually succeeded? And Abraham Lincoln ran for office more than 5 times before he was elected President of the United States."
Sarah shook her head with a little smile on her lips.
"Almost everyone that ever was Someone, had to work hard and try over and over to get to the top. Some of the greatest people in history seemed mediocre at first. Don't quit just because you didn't get what you wanted. Try again and the point is to put in the effort."
Sarah smiles a little.
"Sarah, I believe in you. I know you can get there. I believe that God gave you a brain and talents (she plays basketball) and it's be a shame to see you waste it. Will you come back in and show me what you can do?"
Sarah smiled and nodded.
Sarah did not nap that class, nor did she slack off. All her work was completed and she was like a new student.

So what's the moral of the story? That "try harder, do better" mantra is one we see far too often in feel-good blogs... not to mention it's anti-gospel. But that mantra is not my focus for telling this story. My focus is how important every opportunity is when we speak. I'm the first to admit, I'm terrible at this. I speak before I think about 200% of the time. (That's why I had to learn how to forge my mom's signature!) But think for a moment, how much could I have damaged this young girl's emotional stability, that was already on the rocks about her grades, if I didn't take a moment to silently pray for God to help me speak encouraging words? Or if I didn't care about her excuses at all, didn't allow her to even give the excuses, and punished her instead? Wonder how this scenario could have been different... just by speaking different words.
Unfortunately, words are NOT wind. Words matter and words can help, or they can hurt.
What does the Bible say about our words? Proverbs 18:21 tells us that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but such as is good for building up... that it may give grace to those who hear." -Ephesians 4:29

Our young people are not just vulnerable when they open up, they are vulnerable every day. They are soft clay in the hands of those who could mold  them into terrible pieces, or shape them into beautiful works of art. Our words matter to them and even as they grow, they will remember how others influenced them with the words they spoke. We must keep our tongues so that they do not thrust like a sword, but heal. (Prov. 12:18) This year, let's resolve to keep our tongues in check, and help each other to curb idle speech and gossip. Christians I petition you to practice building each other up with encouraging words that bring life to those who hear them. (and if you can't say anything nice... pray!)

The Heart of a Coward

Ever since I was a young girl,  I have been fascinated with fantasy fiction. I was introduced early to The Once and Future King and Tolkien and the idea of epic fantasy that centered around a hero/heroine that would defy all gravity and become suspended by bravery and courage, enraptured my heart. Book after book tried  to fill a void that seemed so otherworldly and I filled pages of journals about how much I longed to become one of those brave fighters I read so much about. I felt so out of place in a century that has since lost its understanding of what it means to be chivalrous, brave, and selfless.

This Christmas I've done a lot of thinking about who I am and what kind of person I want people to remember me as, especially my students. The Holy Spirit spoke softly to my heart, share the Gospel with them Lauren... tell them why you celebrate Christmas... But I also thought, what would they think of me? What if they don't agree? What if they just look at me? What if I lose my job? What if? What if...

My heart sank. It turns out that I'm not brave at all, I'm a coward. Here was my battle. I'd been given an elaborate suit of armor, a shield, a sword, a helmet... I'd been given all the power of God to help me fight, I'd been presented with an opportunity to prove that I was worthy of the honor of any warrior yet I backed away in fear faster than any of the retreating enemies I read about in my books. I was craven (GRRM reference for all you GoT fans out there) and I didn't know how to be anything different.

Psalm 118:6 came to mind: "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" What a powerful verse. There is something so pleasing to my soul and peaceful about powerful words from the Lord. I had a professor in college that told me that scripture cannot mean what it was never intended to mean. So what was this intended to mean? Assuming David wrote Psalm 118, this would make perfect sense. So many times David encounters opposition from the throne of Israel and at times ends up running for his life. He stands as a young man against an unbelievably strong foe. He is spared death by the Hand of God and a really good friend helping him. King Saul wanted him dead so many times, but God had other plans. What can man do to the one whom God loves? Even when David was surrounding himself by deadly and unbelievable sin, God blessed David with a strong lineage that would one day contain the name of Jesus. This did not mean that David was good or special or that David could have done any of those things on his own. The stories we have of David are meant to show us how helpless we are as humans and how much we need the saving grace of Yahweh to give us life. The Lord was on David's side and no one could touch him. God chose David for his purpose, for his ultimate glory.

If we, as Christians, believe that God has chosen us specifically for his glory, What can man do to us? We need not fear. "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels or demons, nor things presents nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

So, though I have retreated from battle in shame, God has redeemed my name. He has given me a new name that is not shameful and I can call him Abba, Father. Now I can redress for the battlefield and take my place in the front ranks, unafraid of what others will do to me.

Problem Child

Every teacher has one. That one kid who just can't control himself (or herself) from talking out loud, making rude noises, or falling out of their desk to get attention (I really hate that move) and I have a Shelvie. God bless his evil little soul. That child just can't keep his mouth shut. Like, literally, I think he is genetically predisposed to just talk without knowing what he's saying or actually having anything to say. However, he is smart and he's sweet and kinda (maybe sorta kinda) funny sometimes. Okay, okay, I love him. But he is a serious problem. So what to do about the Shelvies in your life? Good question. I pondered this for months and fought and kicked and screamed going into third block because HE was there. Once, (here I cringe) I even told him that I hated that class because of him. I know! I'm a terrible teacher, person, everything. But I was at the end of my rope and it was a long drop to the bottom. So I panicked. He just looked at me with an evil little grin on his face that is very Shelvie of him and said, "Good."
Tell the world I suck at this but one day I was complaining to a fellow conspirat- I mean teacher about this... living furby in my classroom and she was like "Ohh yeah, I had the same problem until one day I let him listen to his music on his earphones and I forgot he was in the room."

What.

This. This was the best idea I've- I mean Mrs. Blackburn has ever had :) I went straight to third block with a determined glint in my eye and as soon as individual practice time came along I tried out her plan. Omg it worked. Not only did it work for him, but the other students wanted to listen to their music too and I was like shoot yeah!! Y'all, it was so quiet. I thought I had died and gone to teacher heaven. Ever since, Shelvie has become one of my favs and now he just torments me in the hallway with creepy stares and new phrases he likes to use.

Hopefully, if you're having trouble with one kid, this could be useful for you. If you're still part of a school district stuck in the Twilight Zone and you can't let kids use their phones or listen to music I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a Shelvie ain't one! Heh.

Products I Love

Every teacher has a few things they just can't live without. Hyperbole? Yes! But we do have materials and items that make our lives SO much easier and less stressful. Here are my top ten--er five:

1. Binder Clips 

If you don't use binder clips to keep each classes assignments together, do so. It will organize your life to no end and keep your hair shining and your cheeks glowing. You can purchase binder clips for less than $5 at Office Depot, Wal-Mart, School Aids, Target, or any mindless necessary evil consumer trap in your area. 

2. Stickers

Stickers. What can I say about stickers, other than that they are the most amazing invention of all time? Seriously, middle school kids probably love stickers more than preschoolers. I use these star stickers on a "Star Chart" to chart the behavior and progress of each block/class I have. At the end of each semester the class with the most stars will get a party. They get unbelievably competitive about this. 6th block on B days is currently in the lead and 3rd block on A days is nowhere even close to catching up. However, 3A is determined to beat 6B if it kills them. 

3. Mauvelus Masking Tape

This tape is like regular masking tape on steroids. It rocks. The only time I have had a problem with it sticking is if I get the colored kind. But the regular white? Hallelujah praise the Lord! This tape is always in my desk and I literally use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. You can purchase a large roll at School Aids for $5.99

4. Jump Drive

If you haven't already jumped on board the jump drive bus, it's time. This is a technologically advanced world we live in and you need technology in your life, especially if you want to thrive as a teacher. Jump drives aren't meant to make your life harder, they are meant to make your life much easier and sometimes save you from wanting to just throw yourself off a cliff when you accidentally throw that stack of very important papers in the garbage can instead of the trash pile that you got it mixed up with. Buy a jump drive, save all your amazing hard work on it, and presto! it's there for future use and abuse and printing and uploading. And since jump drives are so small and compact, you can usually attach them to your keychain and take them just about anywhere you go. Just be sure and buy an extra copy and back up all your super-dee-duper important files to another drive because you never know when someone has a Voodoo doll with your name on it causing you to lose your jump drive for all eternity. This will cause you to become an alcoholic and lose your job. Not really, but you see how dramatic it could be. Jump drives vary in price because it depends on how much space you need to hold information but usually you can buy one from $5-15 and they will hold plenty of information!

5. Band-Aids

You'd think a middle school teacher wouldn't need to keep band-aids in her desk. Guess again. If I had a dollar for every student who asked me for a band-aid each week... well, I'd have a lot of dollars. I'd say buy a cheap box and keep them in my desk drawer out of the way until someone slicing their hand open on that freaking-hard test you gave (you're a really mean teacher you know that?!)  and then whip one out and you're good to go. No blood causing diseases in this classroom! Band-aids are pretty cheap, especially if you get the off-brand. However, I like to get Hello Kitty and Spongebob because my students think those characters should win the Nobel Peace Prize or something important. Sigh.
Still, less than $2 at Wal-Mart. 

Book Check-Out Contract

Recently, I got my EEF card from my district and was like a kid in a candy shop with so much money to spend! So, I purchased a new bookshelf for the classroom and tons of books. I am probably more excited than the kids but who cares? I am so cool right now.

Next semester we are starting WAR or DEAR (drop everything and read) and basically every day at the same time everyone in the building picks up a book and reads for 10 minutes so I think this will be good timing to have all the materials in my room, but I was really unsure about what to do if one of my kids asked to take home a book. Many of my students are really poor and even the books they get from our library end up lost. So, I decided to draw up a book contract. Basically, it says these are my books and not theirs and they should be mature enough to treat my property with respect, yada-yada-yada. The consequences for losing a book on this are kinda of relevant to my school. We don't have detention, we only do office referrals and silent lunch. Believe it or not, the kids DIE over silent lunch. It's like something out of Romeo and Juliet it's so dramatic when they get silent lunch, so I'm hoping they will take it seriously. Anyway, if any English teachers out there have a personal library in their classroom they would like to loan out, feel free to use this template I created for my check-out contract. I will keep every contract signed and placed in each students folder so that if the student's parents decide to make an ordeal about it, I can pull out the contract, show it to them and my principal, and there's very little leeway given to the child.

Book Check-Out Contract

I, ________________, have checked out a personal book of Mrs. Dorman’s from her personal book collection located on her personal bookshelf in her personal classroom. I realize that I do not have any rights to these books at any time unless Mrs. Dorman otherwise deems me fit, and if she does, it is my privilege to be able to learn to read and to read well in a classroom under a teacher who cares about my future.

I am aware that money does not grow on trees and in order to ensure that these personal books that belong to Mrs. Dorman remain intact and useable, I must not only take care of them but I must also guard them with my life. If I check out a book, I am showing Mrs. Dorman that I am a responsible eighth grader who can take care of myself and my belongings and I am mature enough to look after things that I borrow that do not belong to me. I am grateful that I can go to school every day to grow in knowledge and wisdom and Mrs. Dorman is awesome for providing a fantastic book collection for all eighth graders to utilize.

Therefore, if I borrow a book from Mrs. Dorman’s bookshelf, I will bring it back in a timely fashion—namely one week (extensions will be offered for special circumstances). If I do not bring back the book, a warning will be given and I will bring back the book the next day. If I lose the book or if I choose to ignore the warning again, I will be given silent lunch for a week and then written up and put on the “no book” list and asked to replace the book to return to the check out list. I know that checking out Mrs. Dorman’s books are privileges, not rights, and to do so will require maturity on my part.

Student Signature_____________________________________

Teacher Signature_____________________________________