What is (Christ) Love?

We women are emotional. And that’s putting it lightly. We are naturally in sync with our emotions and as a result, we can identify and understand the emotions of others around us. We live in an age that bombards us constantly with emotions from every angle—television, movies, magazines, books—you name it. Our senses are constantly stimulated by the emotions of not only ourselves, but those around us, and those we see represented in art. Unfortunately, this has desensitized us to real human emotion in a way. Let me explain: I don’t think my husband is romantic.

Now I know what you are thinking: no men are. And I’d hesitate for a moment to say that is superficially true. Most men are not hard-wired to the emotional part of life, and what little bit of them actually does feel emotion is suppressed by culture. Men don’t cry. Men don’t fear. Men don’t feel sorry for themselves (at least not in public). Why? Because our culture says that a man who does cannot be respected. And what do the men in our culture really want? Respect.

Back to my husband. I don’t think he is a romantic. He doesn’t get the moments in the movie when all the emotions of the storyline draw to final climax and every woman in the theater is sobbing. He doesn’t understand why the women in a TV drama do the “crazy” things they do—when we, as women, know it’s all because of the emotional trauma, strain, or damage that’s been done to her. He doesn’t get dramas, chick-flicks, or romance movies. (Honestly, chick-flicks are all the same so I can’t blame him there). He doesn’t get why women create Pinterest boards for their “dream wedding” or why those same women hope their significant other will somehow come across the page in secret and plan it all out to fruition.  He doesn’t get why flowers and hand-written notes are so thoughtful.

Unfortunately, I have held these things against him. But who am I to get upset or hurt over such trivial, superficial moments?  No, Brad isn’t a romantic, and sometimes I don’t understand that. But he has this gentleness about him that keeps him from raising his voice to me, even when I’ve had mine raised for a good fifteen minutes. That same gentleness speaks kind words to me and apologizes first (almost always) even when he’s not at fault. He’s not a romantic, but he is faithful to me and sleeps next to me in bed every single night.  That faithfulness even averts his eyes to look at me when a half-dressed or naked woman appears onscreen during a movie. He’s not a romantic, but his honesty holds me accountable and speaks words of truth and life into my spirit on a daily basis. He’s not a romantic, but his peace teaches me new things about listening, rather than talking, almost every day. He’s not a romantic, but the intelligence in his eyes and words always challenges me to know more. No, he’s not a romantic, but his love wraps around me with his arms when he hugs me. That love also supports any new endeavor I take on and comforts me when I fail.

So why do I complain when he doesn’t come home with flowers in hand when I’ve had a bad day? Or expect him to read my mind (or even subtle, cryptic messages) to know that I wanted this present for my birthday instead of that one. Perhaps my understanding of romance is skewed? 

Let’s review:

 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” –Col 3:19

Brad loves me unconditionally. We both share the idea that marriage is a covenant bond, binding us together: mind, body, and soul. We are one. Also, he is never harsh with me, even when I am in the wrong. His tone is always gentle; his hand has never been lifted against me.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life...” -1 Pet 3:7

Just as God made man, he also made woman. We were created to be bound together as something “good” in His sight! Brad’s understanding of theology is one of the most attractive qualities about him. He knows my soul is just as valuable to God as his.

He chose me.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”-Eph 5:25

Christ chose his people, his church. Likewise, Brad chose me, out of all women, to be his helpmate. Isn’t that the most romantic thing he could ever do? 

Women, are you holding your man up on a pedestal that he will never reach? Are you frowning, crying, or dissatisfied with your husband for falling short of your romantic vision? I know I have been. However, I am reminded by Scripture that my idea of romance should not be determined from film, art, or literature. The media should not dictate my emotional response, and I should not listen. Scripture alone can give us a guide to what true harmony with our spouse looks like. This doesn’t mean that you won’t have problems—as humans we err—but it does mean that we can choose to ignore the false teachings that the world has told us. We can choose to look at the qualities that exemplify Jesus’ teachings instead. We can choose not to despise. We can choose to love.